There is a saying that is popular with Team In Training that the coaches and mentors repeat at practice: "You think [insert workout type here] is hard? It isn't. Chemotherapy is hard."
Yes, it is easy to brush this off as a one-liner, but maybe instead you should think about it.
I awoke early this morning to aching knees which, as the humidly rises after five days of dry, sunny skies, continue to give me the occasional pang. I thought briefly this afternoon about skipping practice in favor of a slow, easy run, but then I remembered that there are people dealing with a lot more than a few aches and pains. Right now, someone is receiving Chemo; someone like you or me, someone older or younger; perhaps just a child; perhaps someone you know. That person is struggling with what this means for them, for their lives and longevity, while their hair falls out, while they get sick, while they deal with tubes and needles and cold hospital corridors under fluorescent light. Someone is struggling right now and, while it may not matter directly to that person if I finish this thing in under three hours or over six, I feel like giving it my all is the least I can do.
I made a commitment to a team, not just to raise money, but to compete in honor of those who struggle with cancer. The past couple weeks have been humbling. I've had many firsts-- or at least firsts for many years. I ran my first timed two-mile since I was eighteen, coming in nearly three minutes slower than I did back then. I drove home, feeling unsure about my ability to accept where I am with running after so many years away from it. I got on the phone with a friend from the college track team and told him that this one triathlon would be it for me. I couldn't compete without pushing myself as hard as I could, and I couldn't enjoy pushing myself through the pain and discomfort knowing that I had no chance to be truly competitive. As always, he put it into perspective:
"We did a lot back then, and it didn't seem like that big a deal... No. It seemed like a lot, but we did it somehow. You're working now with no base and, if you were to build that up again, you might be able to get back there, but it's a question of whether or not you want to put the work in".
He's right of course (He usually is). It's not just fourteen years and it's not just getting older. It's days and months and years of training. It's over ten-thousand miles end over end, day after day, run and now lost in the years in between. I could get them back, but I'd have to do it the only way possible. I'd have to run them again, and since I'm not willing and, perhaps, no longer able to, I'll have to be satisfied with the best I can do. Like my friend reminded me. It's not just whether or not I can win, it's whether I can push myself to do better and better each time. Existential crisis averted.
I'm done beating myself up and I'm done setting unreasonable expectations, and I'm also done with any excuses for slacking. Now I can get back to the business at hand of training for a triathlon. These past few weeks saw our first couple of brick workouts, our first group ocean swim at the shores (it was mostly practicing getting into and out of the water for the race, and I was behind in workout for the week, so I dropped my car off at the cove and swam across to meet the team). I've finally (thanks to our coach) found a pair of goggles that don't leak and don't dig into my nose. I've bought my first pair of tri-shorts and swam, biked and run in them. I've started taking showers with no hot water to condition my brain to be used to extreme temperatures (Try it. It works!). I've had plenty of times when I didn't want to workout and plenty of times, mid-workout where I wanted to quit or, at least, to slow down. When I didn't, it wasn't because I'm in great shape, or particularly tough or talented, it was because triathlon training isn't hard. Chemotherapy is hard.
So thanks to the mentors and coaches and thanks to everyone who has donated to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society through my fundraising page.
I'm at $4382 now, over two-thirds of the way towards my goal, with about eight weeks left. Please help me get the rest of the way.
Day 27 of training: (Weekly Pool Workout)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 5
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1
Day 28 of training: (5 mile run with teammates)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 5
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1
Day 29 of training: (1 mile swim in the pool)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1
Day 30 of training: (Brick Workout to Lake Hodges)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1
Bike/Run Bricks: 1
Day 31 of training: (Bike Ride to Mission Trails)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1
Bike/Run Bricks: 1
Day 32 of training: (1/2 mile ocean swim)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 1
Bike/Run Bricks: 1
Day 33 of training: (2 mile time trial)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 1
Day 34 of training: (spin, then swim)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 5
Pool Swims: 7
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 1
Day 35 of training: (a short run)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 5
Pool Swims: 7
Maintenance Runs: 9
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 1
Day 35 of training: (bike/run transition workout)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 5
Pool Swims: 7
Maintenance Runs: 9
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 2
Day 36 of training: (1 mile ocean swim and surf entry/exit drills)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 5
Pool Swims: 7
Maintenance Runs: 9
Ocean Swims: 5
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 2
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
14 years
That's how long it's been since my last track workout. Yesterday's was pansy-ass compared to what I used to do and it, predictably, kicked my pansy-ass as well. There was a time when I'd turn a 20 quarter workout in at about 63 seconds per quarter. We'd rest a 100 meters between each, 400 meters after every set of five. This was a tough workout, but not unreasonable.
Last night we ran 6 quarters after a ten minute warmup and an 800 at "training pace". The quarters were supposed to be at 60% (of max speed for 400 meters), then 70%, 80% and so on, up to 100%, then back down to 70%. We finished it off with another 800 at training pace.
The idea was to teach people about pace, who have no idea what their limits are. This was good for me because, frankly, I've no idea what kind of shape I'm in and my sense of pace is shot-- or so I thought. Turns out my sense of pace is OK. It's my sense of how fast I should be that's all out of wack.
I figured I could still turn in a 60 second quarter if the chips were down and I was asked to go all out (this is off from my best time of 52 -- I was never very fast), so I based my first four off of that and I hit the correct time on each, plus of minus a second or two. Not too shabby. After turning in the 90% at 73 seconds and not feeling too bad, I figured a 60 was in me.
I figured wrong. I ran 70 flat and felt that I gave it everything I got. There was a time when that was my mile pace (which is actually pretty damn slow for a competitive runner). I knew I was nowhere near that, but SEVENTY SECONDS? For an ALL OUT 1/4 mile?
Did I mention that running is hard?
PS I'm on pace with my fundraising at least, but I need your help for the final stretch. Please consider donating if you haven't already:
http://pages.teamintraining.org/sd/lavatri09/dtuffy
---
Day 26 of training: (first track workout in 14 years)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1
Last night we ran 6 quarters after a ten minute warmup and an 800 at "training pace". The quarters were supposed to be at 60% (of max speed for 400 meters), then 70%, 80% and so on, up to 100%, then back down to 70%. We finished it off with another 800 at training pace.
The idea was to teach people about pace, who have no idea what their limits are. This was good for me because, frankly, I've no idea what kind of shape I'm in and my sense of pace is shot-- or so I thought. Turns out my sense of pace is OK. It's my sense of how fast I should be that's all out of wack.
I figured I could still turn in a 60 second quarter if the chips were down and I was asked to go all out (this is off from my best time of 52 -- I was never very fast), so I based my first four off of that and I hit the correct time on each, plus of minus a second or two. Not too shabby. After turning in the 90% at 73 seconds and not feeling too bad, I figured a 60 was in me.
I figured wrong. I ran 70 flat and felt that I gave it everything I got. There was a time when that was my mile pace (which is actually pretty damn slow for a competitive runner). I knew I was nowhere near that, but SEVENTY SECONDS? For an ALL OUT 1/4 mile?
Did I mention that running is hard?
PS I'm on pace with my fundraising at least, but I need your help for the final stretch. Please consider donating if you haven't already:
http://pages.teamintraining.org/sd/lavatri09/dtuffy
---
Day 26 of training: (first track workout in 14 years)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Holiday
The holidays were a bit of a shambles. Christmas week, I got two workouts in with a failed attempt at third when rain started pouring down on my bike (I got fifteen minutes of riding in, followed by two hours of cleaning grit off my bike). Family was here and I didn't take extra time off work, so training, and writing suffered.
Fundraising, however, is still on track. Tis the season and all.
If you haven't donated yet, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society for 2009, through my fundraising page:
http://pages.teamintraining.org/sd/lavatri09/dtuffy
I need your help to make it the last bit of the way.
New Year's week training was a little bit better, despite having a party to plan and execute, with five days of working out. See the daily breakdown below for details.
Getting back into the swing of things felt so good, I promptly took Monday off.
-----
Day 19 of training: (a short run)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 3
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 4
Ocean Swims: 2
I only got about three miles in. My family was coming into town, I was rushed and it was getting late.
Day 19 1/2 of training: (an utter failure)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 3 (and an aborted attempt at 4)
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 4
Ocean Swims: 2
It was drizzling when I took my bike out, and coming down pretty hard a few minutes later. Maybe on an older bike I would have kept going, but not with Alexandra.
Day 20 of training: (bike ride around Lake Murray)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 4
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 5
Ocean Swims: 2
It was sunny and clear today, clear as it only can be after the rain here in San Diego. It was a bit cool though, so I bundled up and rode east to lake Murray.
You'd think that San Diego would be a bicyclist's paradise, what with it being sunny and 60 - 70 degrees most of the year, but there are two things that prevent this from being the case:
1. San Diego has a policy of not fixing up the roads until they actually start to slide down the hillsides (literally: http://photos.signonsandiego.com/gallery1.5/071003soledad). What you end up with is rutted and cracked asphalt, potholes and bumps. Not fun.
2. Before you can get to anywhere worth biking, anywhere that's not an urban center or just stupid with traffic, you need to get in your car and drive there (or bike through the traffic for 30 miles first, but I'm not in that kind of shape).
The Lake Murray ride is a good compromise because I can take a relatively short route from my house on a main road and then cut off into some less traveled streets. With the exception of a rather harrowing jaunt across a freeway overpass with 4 entrances and exits and no bike lane, it's a pretty mellow trip to the lake, bumpy pavement notwithstanding. Once you get the the lake, it's smooth riding on the path, so long as you keep a careful eye out for dogs and kids and people who aren't paying attention to where they are going. It's a tree-lined, pretty path that looks more like New England than San Diego (ah, nostalgia) and wide enough to hit a good clip without hitting anybody else around the turns. Unfortunately, about three quarters of the way around the lake, the path ends at a big, chain-link gate and you have to turn around and go back the other way. Nice try San Diego Parks and Rec. Better luck next time. I give the ride four snaps in Z formation and a thumbs sideways for effort. 24 miles
Day 21 of training: (a longer run)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 5
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 6
Ocean Swims: 2
I left from my girlfriends house for this one and explored the neighborhoods from a slightly different angle. It was dark and kind of cold and I wasn't too happy about it. Maybe it was just one of those days that feels more difficult, or maybe running is actually pretty hard. 4.3 miles
Day 22 of training: (an attempt to ride to the office that fails)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 5
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 6
Ocean Swims: 2
I had to go home at noon for emergency repairs to the hot water faucet in the kitchen, which had decided to free-flow. I had the bright idea of riding my bike back to work, but didn't leave until late as the plumber took a while to arrive. I decided to take a "new route" which took me several miles down a road that turned out to be a dead end. I turned around and went home. It was dark. Lesson learned. 25 miles.
Day 23 of training: (running is hard)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 5
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 2
I wanted to stop early. Oh yes, I wanted to stop early. In fact, I almost did. I gave myself several outs. In the end, I didn't. I'm not sure why. Yes. It's definitely that running is hard. 4.3 miles.
Day 24 of training: (my first crash)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 2
I decided that I couldn't be afraid of getting my bike dirty. Bikes are for riding. So I took her out in the rain and got her good and soaked and dirty. I also had my first crash, the bike skidding out on a tight, blind right turn where a washout had strewn sand across the path. I felt her slip and started to jam on the brakes, which was probably the wrong move. I went down hard, but not fast on my right side, luckily cushioning the bike's fall. She skidded a bit, I skidded a bit. We both lost some skin, but no major damage. I got home, cleaned off a couple of nice raspberries on my hip and forearm and then spend another hour and a half cleaning all the grit out of my gears and chain. Took me two hours on Monday to get her back in tune, but I confirmed: no lasting damage. Whew. 40.4 miles.
Day 25 of training: (57 degree water is cold)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 3
Four feet visibility. Chilly. Late in the day, coming back against a setting sun with my goggles leaking the whole way... and that's all I have to say about that. 1/2 mile.
Fundraising, however, is still on track. Tis the season and all.
If you haven't donated yet, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society for 2009, through my fundraising page:
http://pages.teamintraining.org/sd/lavatri09/dtuffy
I need your help to make it the last bit of the way.
New Year's week training was a little bit better, despite having a party to plan and execute, with five days of working out. See the daily breakdown below for details.
Getting back into the swing of things felt so good, I promptly took Monday off.
-----
Day 19 of training: (a short run)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 3
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 4
Ocean Swims: 2
I only got about three miles in. My family was coming into town, I was rushed and it was getting late.
Day 19 1/2 of training: (an utter failure)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 3 (and an aborted attempt at 4)
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 4
Ocean Swims: 2
It was drizzling when I took my bike out, and coming down pretty hard a few minutes later. Maybe on an older bike I would have kept going, but not with Alexandra.
Day 20 of training: (bike ride around Lake Murray)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 4
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 5
Ocean Swims: 2
It was sunny and clear today, clear as it only can be after the rain here in San Diego. It was a bit cool though, so I bundled up and rode east to lake Murray.
You'd think that San Diego would be a bicyclist's paradise, what with it being sunny and 60 - 70 degrees most of the year, but there are two things that prevent this from being the case:
1. San Diego has a policy of not fixing up the roads until they actually start to slide down the hillsides (literally: http://photos.signonsandiego.com/gallery1.5/071003soledad). What you end up with is rutted and cracked asphalt, potholes and bumps. Not fun.
2. Before you can get to anywhere worth biking, anywhere that's not an urban center or just stupid with traffic, you need to get in your car and drive there (or bike through the traffic for 30 miles first, but I'm not in that kind of shape).
The Lake Murray ride is a good compromise because I can take a relatively short route from my house on a main road and then cut off into some less traveled streets. With the exception of a rather harrowing jaunt across a freeway overpass with 4 entrances and exits and no bike lane, it's a pretty mellow trip to the lake, bumpy pavement notwithstanding. Once you get the the lake, it's smooth riding on the path, so long as you keep a careful eye out for dogs and kids and people who aren't paying attention to where they are going. It's a tree-lined, pretty path that looks more like New England than San Diego (ah, nostalgia) and wide enough to hit a good clip without hitting anybody else around the turns. Unfortunately, about three quarters of the way around the lake, the path ends at a big, chain-link gate and you have to turn around and go back the other way. Nice try San Diego Parks and Rec. Better luck next time. I give the ride four snaps in Z formation and a thumbs sideways for effort. 24 miles
Day 21 of training: (a longer run)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 5
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 6
Ocean Swims: 2
I left from my girlfriends house for this one and explored the neighborhoods from a slightly different angle. It was dark and kind of cold and I wasn't too happy about it. Maybe it was just one of those days that feels more difficult, or maybe running is actually pretty hard. 4.3 miles
Day 22 of training: (an attempt to ride to the office that fails)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 5
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 6
Ocean Swims: 2
I had to go home at noon for emergency repairs to the hot water faucet in the kitchen, which had decided to free-flow. I had the bright idea of riding my bike back to work, but didn't leave until late as the plumber took a while to arrive. I decided to take a "new route" which took me several miles down a road that turned out to be a dead end. I turned around and went home. It was dark. Lesson learned. 25 miles.
Day 23 of training: (running is hard)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 5
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 2
I wanted to stop early. Oh yes, I wanted to stop early. In fact, I almost did. I gave myself several outs. In the end, I didn't. I'm not sure why. Yes. It's definitely that running is hard. 4.3 miles.
Day 24 of training: (my first crash)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 2
I decided that I couldn't be afraid of getting my bike dirty. Bikes are for riding. So I took her out in the rain and got her good and soaked and dirty. I also had my first crash, the bike skidding out on a tight, blind right turn where a washout had strewn sand across the path. I felt her slip and started to jam on the brakes, which was probably the wrong move. I went down hard, but not fast on my right side, luckily cushioning the bike's fall. She skidded a bit, I skidded a bit. We both lost some skin, but no major damage. I got home, cleaned off a couple of nice raspberries on my hip and forearm and then spend another hour and a half cleaning all the grit out of my gears and chain. Took me two hours on Monday to get her back in tune, but I confirmed: no lasting damage. Whew. 40.4 miles.
Day 25 of training: (57 degree water is cold)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 2
Pool Swims: 4
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 3
Four feet visibility. Chilly. Late in the day, coming back against a setting sun with my goggles leaking the whole way... and that's all I have to say about that. 1/2 mile.
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