Further Musings From a Once and Former...

There is a saying that is popular with Team In Training that the coaches and mentors repeat at practice: "You think [insert workout type here] is hard? It isn't. Chemotherapy is hard."

Yes, it is easy to brush this off as a one-liner, but maybe instead you should think about it.

I awoke early this morning to aching knees which, as the humidly rises after five days of dry, sunny skies, continue to give me the occasional pang. I thought briefly this afternoon about skipping practice in favor of a slow, easy run, but then I remembered that there are people dealing with a lot more than a few aches and pains. Right now, someone is receiving Chemo; someone like you or me, someone older or younger; perhaps just a child; perhaps someone you know. That person is struggling with what this means for them, for their lives and longevity, while their hair falls out, while they get sick, while they deal with tubes and needles and cold hospital corridors under fluorescent light. Someone is struggling right now and, while it may not matter directly to that person if I finish this thing in under three hours or over six, I feel like giving it my all is the least I can do.

I made a commitment to a team, not just to raise money, but to compete in honor of those who struggle with cancer. The past couple weeks have been humbling. I've had many firsts-- or at least firsts for many years. I ran my first timed two-mile since I was eighteen, coming in nearly three minutes slower than I did back then. I drove home, feeling unsure about my ability to accept where I am with running after so many years away from it. I got on the phone with a friend from the college track team and told him that this one triathlon would be it for me. I couldn't compete without pushing myself as hard as I could, and I couldn't enjoy pushing myself through the pain and discomfort knowing that I had no chance to be truly competitive. As always, he put it into perspective:

"We did a lot back then, and it didn't seem like that big a deal... No. It seemed like a lot, but we did it somehow. You're working now with no base and, if you were to build that up again, you might be able to get back there, but it's a question of whether or not you want to put the work in".

He's right of course (He usually is). It's not just fourteen years and it's not just getting older. It's days and months and years of training. It's over ten-thousand miles end over end, day after day, run and now lost in the years in between. I could get them back, but I'd have to do it the only way possible. I'd have to run them again, and since I'm not willing and, perhaps, no longer able to, I'll have to be satisfied with the best I can do. Like my friend reminded me. It's not just whether or not I can win, it's whether I can push myself to do better and better each time. Existential crisis averted.

I'm done beating myself up and I'm done setting unreasonable expectations, and I'm also done with any excuses for slacking. Now I can get back to the business at hand of training for a triathlon. These past few weeks saw our first couple of brick workouts, our first group ocean swim at the shores (it was mostly practicing getting into and out of the water for the race, and I was behind in workout for the week, so I dropped my car off at the cove and swam across to meet the team). I've finally (thanks to our coach) found a pair of goggles that don't leak and don't dig into my nose. I've bought my first pair of tri-shorts and swam, biked and run in them. I've started taking showers with no hot water to condition my brain to be used to extreme temperatures (Try it. It works!). I've had plenty of times when I didn't want to workout and plenty of times, mid-workout where I wanted to quit or, at least, to slow down. When I didn't, it wasn't because I'm in great shape, or particularly tough or talented, it was because triathlon training isn't hard. Chemotherapy is hard.

So thanks to the mentors and coaches and thanks to everyone who has donated to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society through my fundraising page.

I'm at $4382 now, over two-thirds of the way towards my goal, with about eight weeks left. Please help me get the rest of the way.

Day 27 of training: (Weekly Pool Workout)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 5
Maintenance Runs: 7
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1

Day 28 of training: (5 mile run with teammates)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 5
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1


Day 29 of training: (1 mile swim in the pool)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1


Day 30 of training: (Brick Workout to Lake Hodges)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 6
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1
Bike/Run Bricks: 1


Day 31 of training: (Bike Ride to Mission Trails)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 3
Track workout: 1
Bike/Run Bricks: 1


Day 32 of training: (1/2 mile ocean swim)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 1
Bike/Run Bricks: 1


Day 33 of training: (2 mile time trial)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 4
Pool Swims: 6
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 1


Day 34 of training: (spin, then swim)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 5
Pool Swims: 7
Maintenance Runs: 8
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 1


Day 35 of training: (a short run)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 5
Pool Swims: 7
Maintenance Runs: 9
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 1


Day 35 of training: (bike/run transition workout)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 5
Pool Swims: 7
Maintenance Runs: 9
Ocean Swims: 4
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 2


Day 36 of training: (1 mile ocean swim and surf entry/exit drills)
Group rides: 3
Solo rides: 7
Resistance training: 4
Spin classes: 5
Pool Swims: 7
Maintenance Runs: 9
Ocean Swims: 5
Track workout: 2
Bike/Run Bricks: 2