Cold, Cold Water.

Day 7 of training:
Group rides: 1
Resistance training: 3
Spin classes: 1
Pool Swims: 1
Maintenance Runs: 1
Ocean Swims: 1


Four years ago I sat in the shower, broken emotionally and physically, and let the water run over my head while I tried to figure out for the umpteenth time, exactly what had become of me, and what I was going to do to fix my situation. That's when it came over me with utter clarity, like the water from the shower head (and what is it about being near running water that makes us all think clearer?). The body can only handle so many stresses. I couldn't fix what was physically wrong with me-- I was sitting in the shower that day, because I couldn't stand. I couldn't afford to quit my stressful job, so there was only one stress left to be eliminated. There were things I couldn't figure out or fix and those things I was just going to have to let go.

So I did.

I took care of what I could that evening and from the moment I woke up the next morning until today I've been going through the long, slow process of fixing up and moving on. It's worked out pretty good so far. In a few weeks I had my sanity back. In a couple months I had my legs and four months later I had a new apartment, a new phone number and email address and a new job. I rebuilt and I vowed that I would make my next life in San Diego a better one. I would go to the beach more. I would spend more time outdoors and with friends. I would save money and live simply and wisely and, for the most part, except for that "wisely" bit, I have.

Of all the changes I made, the best was ocean swimming.

My first swim was three years ago this past summer when my friend's husband took me out to the 1/4 mile buoy at La Jolla Cove. It was with no goggles and regular swim trunks. I was slow and scared, uncomfortable and cold. He let me put on his goggles for the swim back, which may have been worse. I started at every piece of seaweed and every fish. Towards the end, I swam over the swaying sea grass and hit solid ground water logged and dizzy from the rhythms of the waves. I loved it. I was very proud.

I pestered him time and again to go out with me, but he was often busy. Towards the end of the summer I finally got the guts to go out on my own a few times, then that was it for the year. The next season I started again, working my way up to a one mile swim, dragging friends along when I could, still nervous about doing it alone. A couple times I went at night, and watched the red-tide water spark and glow as I splashed my way back in-- eerie and beautiful-- but it didn't do anything to help my fear.

This past year I got a wetsuit and started early in the spring. I swam both solo and with some more serious swimmers several times a week, mostly a mile, sometimes more. I even jumped in a couple of competitions, if only to prove how slow I am.

Mostly my fear has been replaced by a sort of deep uneasiness, though I still feel my guts squirm whenever I drive down to La Jolla to jump in. The ocean is so far out of my element. Swimming has never been my strong suit. So many things could go wrong. Sometimes though, when I slip in and the calming waters surround me, or when I tread water from halfway across to the shore, looking back west as the sun sets, there's a sense of extreme calm and I know I'm exactly where I should be, exactly then.

Today was not like that.

Today was cold and the waves were high and when the water flooded my wetsuit my heart began to race. My goggles leaked and I spent too much time fixing them rather than warming myself up. I slogged to the 1/4 mile buoy only and slogged back, stopping often on the way. It wasn't the best swim ever, but it also wasn't unpleasant. The sun was warm and the skies were clear. The water was less kelpy than normal and I stopped at the buoy for a while and looked around and felt OK with everything and that's really more than anyone can ask for at any time.

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1/4 Mile Ocean Swim
Water temperature 61.1 degrees
waves: head + height
PM Weight Training

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